"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family." - Thomas Jefferson
Our church's theme for Christmas this year is "Simply Christmas", focusing on worshipping fully, spending less, giving more and loving all- to help families recapture the wonder and beauty of Christmas. I love this, and while I don't know if our December was different because of this, it was greatto have the Simply Christmas theme running through my head as a reminder. I don't want Christmas to be simple this year only...this is the way it should be every year and I want to instill the true meaning of Christmas in my children at a young age. Sure, we asked what 3 gifts Elise would like from Santa (he brings three just like the wise men to celebrate the birth of Jesus) but we sent a letter to Santa at the beginning of the month and spent the rest of the month learning the nativity story and talking about the reason we celebrate Christmas - to celebrate the birth of Jesus. In times when Elise talked about wanting something different, I had to remind myself that it is not the presents that will make this special for her. As a mom I want her to have everything her heart desires and it is easy to become preoccupied with getting just the right things to make this Christmas special for the people in our lives. But I know it is not things that make people happy. The way my daughter's face lights up when we are together as a family is heartwarming. In fact, I'm pretty sure her love language is the same as mine, quality time. My fondest memories as a child are those times we spent together as a family and the only reason I remember even one of my Christmas gifts is because the year I asked for a walkman, my dad got me cassette tapes of Petula Clark and Carly Simon to listen to on it. (really, Dad?;)
It is actualy the memories of the things we didn't plan that have been most special to me this Christmas season.
The hours the four of us spent in our living room singing songs as daddy played the guitar and Elise danced around the room, watching Nolan sit on the floor and bounce to the music or the wonderment on is face as he sat in front of daddy's guitar and touched it for the first time.
Seeing the kids interact with one another and love on our sweet dog, Nora...these are the memories I hold on to.
A night of just being together with no plans, no tv and no phones....it was magical to me.
Or the night daddy and Elise sat and colored after dinner, not realizing an hour had passed and it was time for bed. We also had a great time going to see Arthur Christmas at the theater as a family, but I am guessing Elise won't remember much since she couldn't sit still and when she finally did, she fell asleep to it. Nolan was a champ though, I never thought I would be able to take an 8 month old baby to the movie theater, but that is just the good natured boy that he is...along for the ride and seems to be loving it.
You see, Christmas hasn't just been about one day this year. It has been a reminder that the excitement and wonder of our Savior can be experienced every day, not just on Christmas and it is to be celebrated everyday throughout the year through. Watching my daughter pass out her homemade Christmas cards and sing jingle bells with her friends at the nursing home reminded me that we need to invest in people more often than just at Christmas. I don't think I have ever been so proud as a mom as I was watched her grow out of her comfort zone. She is very shy and I held her hand as she passed cards out to the first few residents, but then she let go and went on her own. I think for the first time she may have had a glimmer of what it feels like to give of herself, as best as she knows how at the age of three. It really is the gift we give of ourselves that mean the most.
So far this Christmas has been so special to me because it is our first christmas as a family of four. Our time together, focusing on the reason of why we celebrate Christmas, the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ and the love he has filled our hearts.
This love that allows us to love others more fully, give more of ourselves, worship Him daily and let go of the material things of this world. That is simply Christmas and my favorite memories are simply...us.
(all pictures below were taken in my wedding dress)
Elise you have been on my mind a lot lately and I have been thinking of so many things that I want you to know someday, so this is one that I am blogging because I think it is so important. Your bible verse last month was "I am wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14 It has been so precious to talk with you about how wonderfully God has made you and to then hear you say something like, "I can do it because I am special because God wonderfully made me, right?" I love the way you always put things into perspective for me. Those words then reminded me of your bible verse the month before "I can do all things through Christ" Phillipians 4:13. That is a confidence I never want you to lose. You CAN do anything through Him who gives you strength.
Baby girl, this world can be incredibly cruel, but when you fully know what it means to be made in the image of Christ and have a relationship with Him, your creator, you can have a whole new hope and understanding of how things are. You are absolutely beautiful and care free and someday you may not always feel that way. Magazines, commercials and images all around you will make you look at yourself and question if you are beautiful enough. Even though I am trying my hardest to maintain a healthy self image of myself in front of you, know that I will fail at times as well.
The great part in wanting you to have a healthy self image and understanding of how wonderfully made you are, is that I am challenged myself to be that example for you. Women constantly compare themselves to other women and it is such a battle, but most of the images out there aren't real and the things we tell ourselves that bring us down are not TRUTH.
God knew the number of hairs on your head before you were even born and just as he imagined the beautiful flowers, trees, sun, moon and stars and brought them into being...he did the same for you. Isn't that absolutely incredible?! He imagined you before time and created you in the secret, dark place inside of me. And so far he has not disappointed!:) You are such a wonderful creation that I could not have ever imagined. You are beautiful inside and out. You have such a caring heart and I can't wait to see how you grow and what you do with that love in your heart.
"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7
I want you to know that no matter how you are dressed, the length of your hair, whether you wear makeup someday, skinny or thick, short or tall...you are and always will be beautiful. I'm sure that someday someone somewhere will say something to make you feel less than you are, but know that it is not TRUTH. You are a beautiful creation and I pray that you will have a strong self confidence as you grow because of the love you have for Christ. You are a precious gift, Elise. Please don't ever forget that.
"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
Today my Nolan is 6 months old. We just so happened to be visiting Szalay's sweet corn farm with some friends this afternoon, so I thought it would be the perfect time to capture some pictures of our sweet boy. I can't believe we have had him in our lives for half of a year already. We love you to pieces, little man!
I nagged. He yelled. I threw things. She saw and heard it all. Fresh, innocent, little ears and eyes and a fragile heart witnessing one of the most unpleasant things you can as child...your parents fighting.
I'm not ashamed to post about a fight my husband and I had because it is the truth and fights happen in marriage. So, it was over something pretty stupid and I won't go into great detail, but my husband and I had an argument, which resulted in some raised voices and tears. My sweet little girl was eating lunch at the dining room table when it all happened. Once mommy got up in a huff from the table to throw some things around in the kitchen, my girl ran to her daddy to give him a hug. We cooled down and somehow returned to the table together and it started up again. "We have to be nice to eachother!" a little voice piped in. Oh the wisdom from our three year old:). Then the tears started to well up in my eyes and this made my daughter even more uncomfortable. "Its ok, Mommy. Its ok," she insisted in her sweetest, reassuring voice. My heart broke even more because I couldn't control my emotions and the last thing I wanted her to see was me like this. I knelt in a corner and she came to me with hugs and kisses and more reassuring words. My husband came as well and we all hugged on the floor, yet I couldn't stop crying. I hated what had happened and I hated that my daughter was put in such a position to witness it all.
One of the bed time stories we read our daughter is "No Matter What". It is a conversation about how no matter what the child does or who he is, his mom will still love him no matter what. I love it because it is so true and yet it is a reminder for me of how God loves his children no matter what. The following picture is displayed in our living room. My husband's hands are holding onto the hands of our children. It is a reminder of the Heavenly Father's hands reaching down and holding ours along this journey of life. And it reminds me of this precious family God not only blessed us with, but also entrusted to us.
As parents we want nothing more than for our children to feel safe and secure and I hate that even if for a moment, our actions caused our daughter to feel anything less. I always thought it would be ok if our children heard us fight because it would help them grasp the reality of marriage. It is not always sunshine and rainbows and it does require work and commitment. I still believe this, but not on the level that my daughter was subjected to. She did not deserve to hear us yell at each other like we did and neither one of us deserved to be treated like we treated each other.
My husband and I love each other dearly, but we are two very stubborn people who butt heads a lot! (It really explains where my daughter's strong will comes from.) Ever since we started dating, we have been learning how to "fight" the right way and we still have a ways to go;) Seeing your parents disagree and have serious discussions is ok because that will happen all the time. We have to learn to compromise and work things out on a daily basis, in all relationships. Our problem is that we let the anger get the better of us and we immediately took all safe feelings out of the house. We both feel terrible that we let this happen and I did have a long talk with my daughter after the fact and apologized to her and reclaimed my motherly role by reassuring her. "Mommy and Daddy were wrong to yell and be mean to each other, but we love each other so very much...no matter what." I apologized to her for arguing in front of her and for how mean mommy and daddy were to each other.
I know divorce is not in her vocabulary yet and I am thankful for that. Because it shouldn't be in any child's, but unfortunately...it is. I have seen family and friends go through some very serious lows in their marriages and some did not make it back to make any more "highs", but I have also seen some do the work and make it back for the highs. I am so very proud of the ones that did because I know it was not easy. Marriage is hard and it takes a lot of work, sacrifice, humility and love. I am thankful that divorce is not in my husband's or my vocabulary either. We are committed to one another no matter what. So, no matter how low it may get, we will do our best to work our way out of it and not without the pure strength of God.
I want my children to know and trust that their parents will fight to keep their marriage strong...to be there for each other and for them because this is what God has called us to do. I don't want them to run away from conflict one day because they thought everything was suppose to be happy and easy. I want them to know that their mom and dad chose each other to spend the rest of their lives with and by doing that we vowed to keep choosing each other day after day for the rest of our lives.
This may seem like a weird blog post for some, but I am writing it because I want my kids to read this some day when they are hopefully married or preparing for marriage and be reminded that we are imperfect, selfish, people who make mistakes, argue, get angry and throw fits (no matter who we are). But with that, we can rely on the grace of God to forgive one another, control our anger, put others first, sacrifice and choose to make our marriage work day after day, no matter what. I would hope that one day we would be the perfect example for our kids of what marriage should be, but since we are still human I know perfect will never describe us. So, I will say, "great example" instead. And in the meantime, I want my husband and children to know that I LOVE them so much...NO MATTER WHAT!
Nolan has been quite the overachiever in his fourth month of life. This month has been full of many firsts for him. At the top of my list would be the fact that he is finally sleeping through the night for 12 hours. It definitely took him awhile to get here and I am so glad he has finally arrived. He now wakes up one extremely happy, cooing boy.
This month we introduced him to cereal which he loved and has since had green beans, apples, pears and squash. I never thought I would start him on food this early, but he absolutely loves it!
The same day I introduced him to cereal I brought the jumperoo up from the basement. I was quite sure he would not be big enough for it yet, but when I put him in it, his toes not only touched, his feet could rest flat on the floor. He is definitely going to be a tall boy and that was confirmed at his check up this month when the doctor told us he was in the 95% in height. He not only learned to jump in this fun thing, he has also learned the fine art of falling asleep in it.
If that was not enough firsts for me to handle emotionally, the boy decided to go and add one more to the list. While I was in the shower the other day I heard Elise yell, "Mommy, he did it!" I looked out to see that he had rolled over from his back to his tummy on his activity mat. His sister never did that because she hated to be on her belly. He does as well, so my shower was cut short by his screaming, since he could not figure how to roll back the other way. I will be fine to let him save that for another time because he is just growing up to fast.
He still remains to be a laid back, sweet baby boy. He is constantly smiling and giggling at anyone who will talk to him.
And nobody can catch his attention like his sister can. They are best buds already and it makes my heart melt every time I watch them interact.
Yes, she gave me a manicure with them yesterday and I must say she did a fabulous job. But she never just stops at one thing. She decided after we took off our "nails", we should bake some "cookies".
She used the sheets the labels came off of as the cookies and of course the stickers became the chocolate chips. The fact that she comes up with these things all on her amazes me and cracks me up at the same time. She is so resourceful and hardly just sits and plays with the expensive toys that she just has to have. So, even though we would love to buy this bilibo toy to see what she would do with it, I think we will pass and see what other fun uses she finds for random things in the house:)
She told me you would come early and we couldn't wait to meet you. Then one week after the next I was still feeling you move around in my belly and boy were you a mover. With each doctor visit, you held on inside not showing much desire to come out into the world. In fact, the last appointment we had she told us she had no idea what was keeping you holding on in there.
We knew then you were one going to be one laid-back boy. A true mixture of your grandpa and your father...two of the the most laid-back guys I know. I mean, neither of them get anywhere very fast;)
But you did come and you were still 5 days early. And now I have been holding you in my arms for a little over three months and I have loved every minute of it. And you are just what we thought...laid-back, easy going and the sweetest little boy I know. The way you stare up at me with your big blue eyes and the way you are always so quick to give us a big smile. You are one happy little boy and you melt my heart.
From the moment you arrived your sister has been very protective of you. You is one proud big sister. Every time we would go somewhere and someone would come over to see you, she would run over to you and put her hands on you to let people know that you were here little brother. She even tells us you are her prince charming.
We are so happy you are finally here with us. It is so fun to watch your personality unfold every day. Even though you are only three months old it is already easy to see you are sweet natured boy that loves to talk to us and laugh with us. I am so excited to watch you grow and experience life, my sweet boy.
I sit in awe as I watch you play. You are free to be who you are with no cares or worries in the world. As you jump and twirl on my bed I am astounded by your beauty and how full of life and happiness you are. I pray you never lose that. Your innocence and your free spirit are completely captivating.
I know that lately I have been pushing you to be a big girl and you are reluctant to grow up. Though I get frustrated when you want to be a baby, I realize that you have the rest of your life to grow up. I know one of these days you will be in a hurry to grow up and I will want you to just slow down and stay my baby girl. Life with you is such a fun ride, Elise. You keep me on my toes and you are constantly teaching me lessons on patience and living in the moment. Thank you sweet girl for being who you are.
Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do. ~Jean de la Bruyere
May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you. 1 Thessalonians 3:12
